You see them everywhere-those questionnaire thingys where you give away little secrets of your life and people read them and think they know you, and then they're expected to fill it out to reveal something about themselves.

Well, here's a surrealist questionnaire to challenge your creativity...

@What is your favorite color?
Blue, no green! aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!

@If color was a kind of cheese which cheese would cows eat?
Isn't that a bit like autoeroticism or something?

@If a chicken and a half laid an egg and a half in a day and a half, how many cows could obtain escape velocity in a week?
Depends on the fuel mixture and their knowledge of combustion engines.

@If a 3-legged frog is running around a race track at 127 miles an hour, and he hits a pebble, causing him to instantaneously combust, what 3 directions would his 2 eyes fly?
Up, right and upright

@Back to cheese:
Cheese-whiz or grated cheese?
Grated. I don't eat anything with the word whiz in it.

@What's the last thing you'd ever want to read in a fortune cookie?
"You never existed."

@If fortune cookies were cars, would you prefer 2 wheels or 3?
3, cause triangles are very strong geometric shapes.

@Plaid or plain toilet paper?
Plain-cause plaid is so busy, you can't be sure you're done wiping.

@If camels formed a cult and summoned a demon, which camel would gain an extra hump, and therefore achieve almost god-like status?
The one with no hump-no one would notice a camel who already had a hump(s)

@If you were locked up in a frozen pizza shaped prison for 3 consecutive life terms, anchovies or pork?
Well, obviously neither-too much sodium in anchovies, and I haven't eaten pork since The Empire Strikes Back came out.

@If you had to force one of your bad habits on your worst enemy, which one would it be?
Stinky Wheezleteats, for he is truly my worst enemy

@No, no, I mean which bad habit would you force on your worst enemy, not which enemy?
Oh. I would force my bad habit of making up worst enemies.

@Singers-
The Carpenters or Carmella back in the 2nd grade?
Have to go with The Carpenters-Carmella was hot back then, but she could never hold a high B flat.

@If 1300 rampaging sea turtles were chasing you through Krogers, would you rather visit Russia or China in your next life?
Depends whether I'm being chased through the bread aisle or going through the 15 Items or Less checkout.

@What's a good name for this symbol?

#

X takes the center square


@Finish this limerick (fill in the blank):
I once knew a girl with rickets
Who crossed a line of union pickets
The union boss shot her
And everyone forgot her
________________________

It must be night, there are crickets


@If computers had genitals, what would be their least favorite holiday?
Ted's Day... definitely Ted's Day

@If the dinosaurs were killed off with a Comet, how is it you can still buy it in stores?
Money is still important in our non-Trekkian society.

@13 years ago...
I was 13 years younger.

Was grinding metal yesterday working on my sculpture, when all of a sudden I felt something hit my eye which surprised me since I was wearing a face mask. Didn't hurt at all so I kept working for a few minutes, then started feeling something.

Went to the bathroom mirror and looked at my eye and there was a very very small piece of steel embedded in the white of my eye!!! Not floating on the surface, but actually embedded.

Talk about panic! I spent the next 20 minutes trying to dig it out when finally, it came out. No blood, no infection this morning, but man, as much as I rely on my eyes, that freaked me out for a moment.

What didn't make sense was that I had a full face mask on, covering from forehead to chest ear to ear. I have no idea how it got up under there.

Be careful with your tools out there-artists work with nasty stuff sometimes!

Yikes!!!

Why, hidden inside that ordinary looking box with tasteful rope handles [link] is a creature so foul and cruel that it took 10,000 men to constrain it! Indeed, many men lost their lives on that day, and for hundreds of generations, people sang the praises of those brave souls who captured the black and white zigawampee (not to be confused with the white and black zigawampee, a docile, loving creature who would just as soon lay in front of a steam-powered feather bed than hurt another creature).

A day I'll not soon forget...

And that's what's inside the box with the rope handles.

In my never ending quest to sculpt steel, I just got a plasma cutter a few weeks ago-it's a cutmaster 38 for those who care about such things.

A plasma cutter let's you cut through steel sheet like cutting paper with a knife. I've been getting along fine so far with using a cut-off wheel to cut my shapes out, but it's limited to cutting shallow curves and straight lines, and I want to get into more organic pieces. The plasma cutter will cut any shape you can draw.

It's rated to cut 5/8" steel, but only if you have a spare 230 volt line laying around. I don't. So... I'm getting an electrician out to install a new panel box (yikes!) just so I can use the damned thing!

Actually, it will cut 1/16" steel on 120volts, and that works for some sculpture ideas I have brewing, but I eventually need to do at least 1/4".

That panel box can't get installed fast enough.

Sweet-
I got quoted in the latest edition of the amazing Photoshop/Games Texture book, "3D Game Textures" by Luke Ahearn.

It's my favorite PHotoshop book ever (I make game levels and objects for games on the side), so it was nice to be associated with it in some way.

If you've never seen it, it teaches you insider information (using step-by-step tutorials) about game texturing using Photoshop from a guy who has been doing it for years.